Working in entertainment is hard. Not hard like AP Calculus, but hard in that "Hot damn, I've been pushing this rock up this hill for ages now and it keeps rolling down like that guy Syphillis Diller or something" kind of hard.
(Fact: I assume AP Calc is hard, I got a C- in regular calc. Maybe it's super easy and they just had Pi parties everyday. Great, now I want pie.)
As a struggling D list screenwriter/former agent assist/casting slave, let me tell you. THIS.BUSINESS.IS.HARD.
|The cat is you. The poop water is showbiz. You might want to take a shower.|
So here it is, top five actresses to whom I would like to know what the fuck happened:
1. Lori Petty
You remember her as: Kit, the scrappy little sister from A League of Their Own. Or as the titular Tank Girl, in one of my favorite cult 90's classics. Petty also appeared in Free Willy, Point Break, and Prison Break, where she played a character called "Daddy". This just in, I need to watch Prison Break.
Where is she now: Wrote and directed the autobiographical film Poker House, which according to IMDb is "a dramatization of Petty's teenage years spent in small town Iowa."
2. Fairuza Balk
You remember her as: Nancy from The Craft, and parts in Gas Food Lodging and Waterboy. But seriously, you guys, The Craft. "These are my gifts!!" This movie was essential to any 90's slumber party. Admit it, you had a coven in middle school.
Also, Honorable Mention, her role in Almost Famous: "Is this MaryAnne with the pot?" Classic.
Where is she now: Some indies and voiceover work. She also released a single under the artist title Armed Love Militia.
3. Larisa Oleynik
You remember her as: Bianca from 10 Things I Hate About You and Alex Mack from The Secret World of Alex Mack. You know, that show where her superpower was turning into a puddle of Gak? Wow, remember when Gak was a thing? I bet someone tried to snort it and died. Moving on...
Where is she now: Oleynik has actually been working pretty steadily in film and television, appearing most recently as Ken Cosgrove's wife on Mad Men. Mad Men is that show that you love more than Sketchers AND your Gucci backpack.
4. Neve Campbell
You remember her as: Julia from Party of Five, Sydney from the Scream movies, and that time she mouth sexed Denise Richards in Wild Things.
Where is she now: Living in London, doing theatre, and appearing in random miniseries and indies. Come on Neve, come back to America! If JLoHew can do that handy jay show on Lifetime, there's no limit to what you could do!
5. Susan May Pratt
You remember her as: The name may not ring a bell, but this girl was in every teen movie of the 90's. And I mean EVERY movie: 10 Things I Hate About You, Drive Me Crazy, and most importantly, Center Stage. Remember this gem?
"I am a prima ballerina! And what are you? You're nothing!"
FUN FACT: Her character's name in 10 Things was Mandella. BWAHAHAHAHA. That is absurd.
Hold the fucking phone, is that monkey holding a throwing star?!? Hello, Amazon Wish List!